Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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