I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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