Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
