Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
smell my finger.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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