there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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