Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
did i walk over a car last night?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
