I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
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