i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
