and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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