just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
