I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
