i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
