We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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