A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
