Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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