So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
