that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
