So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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