Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
