Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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