That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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