It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
