Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
