right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
