you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
