Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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