absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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