Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
