So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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