Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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