I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
