xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
