I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
