Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
