So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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