Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
