what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
