I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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