Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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