last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
