did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
