Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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