Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
