Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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