I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
