Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
