know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
