he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
