Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
