Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
