Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
