He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
