Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
